Early Transcript of Corporate Update from PAT Dear Shareholders
This is my analysis of my first two months. I fired a few people, because that’s what people expect. I think I have found the fundamental issue with the company. It’s the coffee. Tim Hortons car crash coffee is just terrible. I’ve moved the guys onto a Whole Foods java mix, that will help no end. I’ve also took the Nerf guns off the last two CMR related guys that wanted to play with the VRS. After the VRS team left back to New Brunswick after liquidizing their declining shares to fund a tank of gas the Nerf guns were useless anyway.
I have also discovered that losing my tie and sporting a pocket square with an open collar makes me look trendier than the last guy. Seems to be working. We are hoping the machines will understand the same and play ball for someone with a trendier image!
Over to Dietmar!
Herr Commandant, thank you to allow me to speak to the financial prisoners. I remind you the penalty is immediate financial bag holding lifelessness. I would respectfully like to report that I have not been able to understand a word of anything that Dr. Russian has spoken since day one of the new administration. I couldn’t understand her if I wanted too. My DNA doesn’t allow conversations with them, that ruined Berlin. I also respectfully report am as confused as the American Herr Hanna Barbera’s dog the Scooby Doo, so I simply take a leaf out of the book on my forefather’s and randomly eliminate an employee to show I’m making progress and look like an enigma. Talking of Enigma, we have seemingly had lots of people talking about the CMR machine. We cannot comment as the American FCC dog has very sharp teeth and so does the man from the IIROC place. We are denying it like the Holocaust, which we also know is illegal but who can tell. In the interim we are making schnapps in Burlington and having Luftwaffe vs the Snowbirds paper aeroplane fights.
*Communication over*