"Ladies and gentlemen, can I tell you something? Acerus Pharmaceuticals is in some deep trouble, and I'm not just talking about Slow Eddie, our CEO. He's so slow, he thinks instant coffee is a myth. That guy is so slow, he thinks a traffic jam is when everyone's waiting for him to cross the street. How slow is he? I mean, this guy is so slow, he got stuck in the fast lane out of Welland.
"And the board chairman, Ian 'Old Moneybags'? I heard he's so old, he used to baby-sit Julius Caesar! Let's just say he's not just old, he's ancient. I heard he's been alive so long, he was alive when there was no history.
"I don't want to say he's old, but I heard he tried to buy stock in the Pony Express.
"But here's the real kicker, folks; our Chief Financial Officer, the head of U.S. operations, and a Director all quit! I'm telling ya, it's like a clown car over at Acerus, and the bank repossessed the car!
"But seriously, Acerus is in some deep trouble, folks. They just got an order for creditor protection and it's not lookin' pretty. They even had to borrow money from the chairman just to keep their heads above water. And now, the Toronto Stock Exchange is gonna delist them.
"But wait, it gets even better! They're gonna file for creditor protection in the United States too! You know what they say, if at first you don't succeed, file for bankruptcy!
"But hey, I've always said, if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. And it looks like Slow Eddie and Ian have made God laugh. Good luck to them!
"Here's to Slow Eddie. May he finally say "hello" and "goodbye" at different times!"
