1 good news/bad news joke ......deserves another, imo!!
There was this multi-millionaire who had absolutely everything,
money (obviously), a country mansion, a beautiful wife, race
horses, everything that a man could want. In fact he was so rich
that he decided to go off to Africa on a three month safari to
shoot big game.
When he got back, the chauffeur driven Rolls had just got to the
large, ornate gates at the foot of the drive to the set back house,
when it was met by Jeeves, the butler. The millionaire wound down
the window of the Rolls and said "Hello Jeeves, what on earth are
you doing here?"
The butler replied "Well sir, I've got some good news and some
bad news." "Tell me the bad news first then." answered the
millionaire. "Well sir," started Jeeves "I don't know how to tell
you this, but your favourite dog Reggie has died." "Good God, not
poor old Reggie, how did it happen?" "Well sir, your two million
pound race horse, Lucky Strike fell on him." "That's terrible,
why?" replied the millionaire. "Well sir, a beam from the stable
roof collapsed on him." said Jeeves. "Why, what happened to the
stable?" "Well sir, it was on fire at the time." "That's awfulJeeves.
How did the stable catch fire?" "We think it was a spark
from the house sir." "Oh no, the house has burnt down, how did the
fire start Jeeves?" "The wind blew over one of the candles on your
wife's coffin sir." "Good Lord, Angela died, why Jeeves?" "Well sir,
she had a heart attack when she heard the news that your company
had crashed on the stock market." "I'm flabbergasted, tell me the
good news Jeeves." To which Jeeves replied...
"Sir, your tomatoes have ripened early."AAhhh what the hey! You poor sap
bag holders could use the laffs, so here's a bonus!
POTENTIAL & REALITY
A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment.
He askshis father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between
potential and reality?"
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it toyou.
"Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for amillion dollars.
Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with BradPitt for a million dollars.
Then come back and tell me what you'velearned."
The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out whathis father
means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you
sleep with Robert Redford?" His motherlooks around slyly, and then with a little smile
on her face says,"Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would."
Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gaveyou a
million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His sisterlooks up and says,
"Omigod! Definitely!"
The kid goes back to his father and says, "Dad, I think I've figuredit out.
"Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but inreality, we are
living with a couple of whores!"