Donald's Dinner With the Queen Courtesy of R. Burns.
Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in the belly after the feastie
As ye sit doon amongst yer frinds
There starts tae stir enormous winds
The neeps and tatties an' mushy peas
start workin like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin' wi' the happy face
Will have ye blawin' a' ower the place.
Nae matter what the h*ll ye dae
A'body's gonna have tae pay
Even if ye try to stifle
It's likle a bullet oot o' a rifle
Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try an' stop the leakin' air
Shift yersel' frae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae God it disnae reek.
But aw yer efforts gan asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder.
Ricochets aroon' the room
Michty me! A sonic boom
G*d Almighty, it fairly reeks!
Hope I huvnae sh*t ma breeks!
Tae the loo I'd better scurry,
Ach what the h*ll, it's no ma worry
The Queen beside is fairly chokin
Charles and Phillip are nearly bokin'
I'll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile,
I point tae Charlie, wis him I shout wi' accusin' glower,
Alas! too late! He's just keeled ower.
Ye dirty bu*ger they shout and stare
A didnae feel welcome ony mair
Where e're ye be let yer wind gan free
Sounds like just the job frae me,
Whit a fuss at Queenie's party
Ower the sake o' one wee farty.