Saw this on Reddit this morning, gave me a really good laugh“He woke up all sweaty in a haze, unaware of what day or time it even was. He picked up his watch, Fri, Dec 14th, 4:14am. Did it really happen or was it all a dream? It felt like he had slept through the past two weeks. The Grego Short? Altria choosing Cronos? Losing his gold chain in a game of strip poker? He couldn’t make head or tails. He started to regret breaking into that new indica strain the company was researching.
He stumbled into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. Through his unbuttoned shirt he could see the gold glisten in the moonlight. A sigh of relief.
He flicked on the light and cracked open the next case of vitamins that he had squandered from his days at Jamieson. He thought to himself ‘Those were better days’.
He glanced over to the toilet and saw his bathroom reading material hanging over the edge of the tub. ‘Altria inks $2.4b deal with Cronos’ was plastered on front page of a Windsor Star.
He sighed then grabbed his keys and headed out the front door. Looking down he noticed the manilla envelope poking out from under his door mat.
‘Special Committee’s Rebuttle to Grego Short Report’ the envelope read. ‘Dammit!’ he murmured ‘They spelt rebuttal wrong.’
Then it dawned on him. Grego’s report wasn’t a drug and alcohol infused dream. It was all a reality.
On his way to Leamington he stopped into McDonald’s for his morning pair of Double Sausage McGriddles. He sat down at a table in the corner and opened the envelope. Reading through the 84 pages all he could think was ‘This is Thicc’ as he grinned.
Getting to the final line of the document he read ‘We have a good thing going’.
He immediately stood up and whipped his breakfast sandwich across the restaurant in a fit of rage.
As grease from the McGriddle dripped down the wall he screamed ‘IT’S GROWING!!!! We. Have. A. Good. Thing. GROWING!!!’
He then walked out of the restaurant mumbling ‘I guess they’re going to have to wait til Monday now’”