Aristotle Launch Gala features Fireworks and Dancing Girls!AP - Celebrities, including the Kardashians, Prince Harry and Megan Markle, hoped the champagne served wouldn't affect the outcome of their cancer screen, as they rolled up their designer sleeves for the bloodtest that will spare them painful and embarrassing hours in their respective doctors' offices this year.
The ten-foot centrepiece ice sculpture of Aristotle glowed under the lights as it melted in the heat generated by hundreds of glitterati dancing, schmoozing and getting blood tests.
"It's so painless!" was overheard by the shrimp-and-caviar table while "I sure hope they're only testing for cancer." got a knowing laugh from the Country Music notables in the comfy leather chairs.
Toothsome morsels, whipped up by Hollywood darling mega-chef Nobu Matsuhisa, were carried on silver trays by a bevvy of Las Vegas's top showgirls, who had flown in for the event.
The baccanale was capped by a fireworks display whose crescendo featured giant roman candles on towering, 100-foot golden syringes that created the effect of blood spurting and sparkling off their needles and into the night.
The message to the enraptured crowd was clear:
StageZero is dispelling the darkness of cancer and ushering in a new era of light!
There. Aristotle is launched now. And it didn't cost the company a cent.
You happy, stupid?