In the annals of Roman history, few emperors have left such a mark of folly as Emperor Stultius the Simpleton, whose nine-year reign became a tragicomic chapter in the empire’s decline. Stultius rose to power not through merit but through a peculiar election where charm and lofty promises of “sunny ways” dazzled the populace. His rule swiftly became a byword for folly, marked by decisions that unraveled the empire. Corruption was the hallmark of Stultius’ reign. He appointed friends and relatives to high positions, creating a tangled web of nepotism that siphoned public funds into private coffers. The Senate, once a pillar of Roman integrity, devolved into a chamber of sycophants, with senators trading their votes for lavish gifts and lucrative posts. One of his earliest acts was to wage war on carbon emissions, declaring that by controlling the very air Romans breathed, he could save the world. The infamous “Carbon Tax of Stultius” taxed even the steam from public baths, crippling the middle class while patricians exploited loopholes big enough to drive their chariots through. The tax enriched a few while impoverishing the many, fostering widespread resentment. Determined to “modernize” Rome, Stultius launched the ill-fated “Great Wall of Tolerance,” intended as a unifying symbol. Instead, shoddy materials and poor planning turned it into a crumbling metaphor for his reign, leaving the empire burdened with debt for generations. Festivals and games celebrating “diversity and inclusivity” became a constant distraction from the empire’s crumbling economy. These spectacles, funded by increasing the bread tax, sparked riots as the cost of living soared, leaving many Romans to wonder if bread and circuses were worth the price. In a bewildering move, Stultius issued an edict to confiscate weapons from law-abiding citizens, insisting it would protect criminals from harm. By disarming the populace, he claimed to champion the “weak,” but the policy emboldened criminals and left the people defenseless. Even the Praetorian Guard muttered of revolt as lawlessness spread unchecked. Most infamous was Stultius’ “Universal Brotherhood Edict,” an open invitation to Germanic hordes. Offering them superior privileges and lands, he strained the empire’s resources and demoralized its citizens, who saw themselves relegated to second-class status. This policy, widely viewed as a betrayal, sparked unrest and a dilution of Roman identity, further accelerating the empire’s decay. On the world stage, Stultius practiced “Diplomacy by Spectacle,” giving vast sums to foreign leaders, who secretly funneled a portion back into his coffers. His foreign policy was little more than a series of hollow photo opportunities, where appearances took precedence over substance. Justice fared no better under Stultius, who prioritized ideological allegiance over legal expertise in appointing judges. His “Reform of Justice” transformed the courts into forums for advancing his progressive narratives rather than upholding the law. Stultius’ reign ended not with a dramatic fall but a pitiful attempt to legislate the weather, as he earnestly believed he could end droughts by imperial decree. His legacy—defined by corruption, incompetence, and a parade of misguided policies—remains a cautionary tale etched into the annals of Roman history.