Diary of A Central Banker (My frustration on paper)Fiat Money: Love this stuff. I can print it at will and these suckers work and are willing to die for it. The little people will always lose in the end as I implode this junk. I am the Casino and I can't lose. They think it's a means to exchange goods. And it is, but where I get them is with inflation. Slowly boil those frogs. haha Suckers. Inflation numbers mean nothing. I just change the grocery list every year and shrink the package. That's what she said!!! ohhh.------------------------------------- Gold: Very annoying metal that rises in price when they dislike what I am doing with my printing press and my deficit rises. My treasuries also seem to sway the price of this shinny stuff. Or financial assets as I call them. I still have to send CNBC a thank you card for the term "asset" when they refer to treasury bills. If they only knew....... Luckily through Goldman, HSBC, JP morgan and the COMEX and that blonde idiot at the CFTC we can easily manipulate the price of gold. Making it seem like a ridiculous metal that has no value. With no potential of dividends and cash flow. I truly hate gold. I must keep this price supressed at all costs. I leased out the Fort Knox chunk... err. If that ever makes it out we are screwed. Only a war or a bomb could distract these debt sheeps from that gaff. God we could really use those 8000 tons. And Germany can screw itself. Never liked those guys. "We are German and so effecient..blah blah." Thanks for the gold boys!!! I think China has that 700 tons. Or was it Switzerland? Who cares. The 8000 tonnes is defenitely in China. We gave them Wal Mart. They owed us one and vice versa. I'm not aware of all te details... I wonder golds real worth. Mystical and magical that price is.. Market value??lol Let's aim to never find out. If you want to feel my power just watch the price at 230am, 830am, 1030am, 1330pm.(eastern time) I monkey spank it around just for fun. I make an audible "wacking sound" as the price collapses. Wach! Never gets old. True price only happens if I default and the banks self implode by the weight of their "assets". (Derivatives) I won't allow that to happen. Too much at stake in that fiasco. If I close my eyes I can't see the banks balance sheets. Block my ears. lalalalala 75 trillion derivative.. lalalalala When these guys need cash I just infuse them with my love.(Cash) It's a beautiful symbiotic relationship. I have stopped reporting it. I mean at this point. What's a trillion. I am the master of the universe. I am now "TheMarket". Or world maker?? No, TheMarket is rad.-- Silver: The bizarre cousin of gold. Small market. Now I really hate this stuff as a central banker. The price of silver can really run away on you if you aren't careful. It is volatile. 50% Monetary (I will never admit this though) and 50% industrial. I have to find a way to make it seem like it has no monetary value. Maybe Ill make it move with copper on most days. Hammer it down on the COMEX to control it's price and the price of gold. I Will allow it to rise on some days but then I will cap it at a made up number wit no significance. I had to let it rise from 19$/ounce because these maggot truth/real currency guys were buying it hand over fist. God I hope they can't see the total deficit. The Unfunded liabilities. Oh sweet mother we are not solvent. I have created heaven on earth until this point. I lie about inflation. I supress the price of silver. I spend like a drunken sailor. And the DOW jones is soaring. I am smart!! And the world keeps on spinning. And the regulators work for us. The boys. haha Bart Chilton I love you! That guy can party. Silver is getting annoying though. Luckily it is mined as a bi-product of base metals. I will manipulate the base metals up then to keep mining silver on the cheap. And this way Doctor Copper doesn't derail my pretend recovery. Two birds one stone. Copper up, Silver down. Success. Silver is creeping up in usefullness for other stuff. I'll still supress it. Apple, Samsung, Toshiba, the medical industry owe me one. This is getting complicated. Why did I take this central banking job again??? I must admit I sometimes hold silver and get aroused. Then I shock my nipples with a car battery to snap out of it. Then I hold dollar bills and I go limp. Easy come, easy go I always say. ---------------------------------------- Oil: This sucker is starting to expose inflation. I don't like it. Maybe the boys can organise a protest and then a "Humanatarian effort thing" to make it appear as though oil is rising because of middle east tension. The spread on the cost of oil and Human dpendance is starting to run away on us a bit. It costs them beaver riding/ bacon eating Canadians 100$/barell to produce that stuff in the oil sands..? yikes. That is the future I guess. I hope the cost of food and gas don't start to interfere with my inflation numbers. By 2015 that cost will be 125-150$. We must control the middle east to avoid Canadian oil dependance. They can stick their Keystone Pipeline up their hockey nets. It's almost stealing sweet crude out there in the middle east. Well technically if you stick a gun in someones face and take something it's hijacking. Well what is a millitairy for anyways if you are not gonna "millitaise". Wonder if that's a word? Dow Jones: The fraud index as the boys and I call it. The rich buy it. I goose it with dollars. Rich people are then wealthy and buy Coach bags. BMW's. Then the little guy comes in and I pull it. This time I may just let it go to 30 000 though. Why not. I purchased a Coach bag last week made of Albino Zebra hoofs. Thanks tax payer!!! We can't admit we were wrong on all the QE. Those two letters haunt me. They have done nothing to revive the real economy. Well if it fails the IMF boys can always save us. If interest rates go up. lol I will never lat that happen. QE until 2055. Well at least until ten according to my calculations. I wonder if the Matrix willl accept that farce??? ahh,, why not. We scare them and then save tem. Easier then Tic-Tac-To against an armless chimp. Poor little guy. They are cute. Christ I have created some kind of a world here. I wonder how all this will end. I guess I have to be willing to go all in at some point. Well All-in again and again... The defenition of insanity is what again? So to recap. Dollar good. Gold bad. Silver Very bad. Oil is for deceiving. And the Dow Jones is for my buddies. I am the "Smartest man to ever live". I am a central banker. The end. (maybe I have lost my mind but this was therapeutic for me)